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Backed up. Constipated.
For years I have been
playing around with different strategies, different supplements and different
herbs to help get me going. It’s not the funnest game in the world, but I seem
to be stuck with it. Haha—no pun intended.
Back in my 20’s, I drank 8
ounces of lemon water every morning but that didn’t do jack. I tried it hot,
cold and room temperature. No go. Coffee and a cigarette were
more likely to induce a poop during that bygone era, but I don’t smoke anymore
so that option’s out. (As for coffee alone, in case you’re wondering: nada
mucho.)
Another thing I’d do back in
the day but only when things got serious (I once went BM-less for TEN DAYS, and
I don’t mean half naked) was to make senna tea with real senna leaves that I
crumbled into a teapot and covered with boiling water to steep for 20 minutes.
That potent brew was highly effective in emptying my colon within 6-12 hours of
drinking but the griping sensation (feeling of your entire insides coming out while
doubled over with intense cramps) generally knocked me out for an entire day.
Yuck.
Another in-a-pinch solution
through the years (one upon which I still rely) has been to do an enema—the
real kind, featuring a red rubber bag connected to a tube with a clamp and a
plastic nozzle at the end. When done properly, a real enema offers tremendous
relief. But it’s often followed, for me anyway, by knife-sharp stomach pains
later that day and/or the next. The prospect of stabbing pain is a deterrent.
Just saying.
And then, there is the encapsulated laxative category. Ah yes, laxative pills: The holy grail or the devil incarnate,
depending on your perspective.
Personally, I've somewhat guiltily indulged in natural, stimulant laxative supplements from time to time but only in strict moderation, largely because I’ve been terrified of—God forbid— “becoming dependent on laxatives”. Laxative dependency is often framed as one of the worst things that can happen to you, ever, in your whole entire life. Because why? Because if you become dependent on laxatives, you won’t be able to go to the bathroom on your own anymore.
Um…HEL-LO. Go on my own? Anymore?
What magic universe are we talking about here?
I mean, it would be REAL
nice if I could go on my own on a daily basis. Find the true solution, the
final answer, and become honestly, dependably regular. Sure. But this C business started
when I was fifteen. We’re talking FORTY FUCKING YEARS.
At this point, I really have
to wonder what would be so horrible about being “dependent” on laxatives? If
Armageddon happens and I can’t buy my Colon Clean* at the coop anymore, I’ll deal with it then. Short
of that, I really don’t care anymore! I can’t stand being backed up. I hate
feeling bloated. IBS sucks. And SIBO is no barrel of laughs, either.
-------------INTERMISSION-------------
Okay. Done venting. Feel
better now. Just needed to get that out, lol. Thanks for listening.
xo Diana
P.S. Don’t worry, I’m not
giving up. There are still a few things I haven’t tried. Iberogast for one. I bought it a while ago, but I didn’t
really give it a fair trial. 20 drops at bedtime. Maybe I’ll start tonight…
*Colon Clean is a great
product by the way. They only sell it at River Valley Market and it really
works. One or two caps at bedtime and (usually) voila!
Here’s what’s in it, per capsule:
Cascara sagrada bark 225
mg
Yellow Dock root 75 mg
Triphala 50 mg
Oregon Grape root 25 mg
Licorice root 25 mg
Gentian root 25 mg
Ginger root 25 mg
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